An Interview with Hadley Sorensen

We’ve been following the work of Hadley Sorensen for quite some time, and we were thrilled when she agreed to sit down with us for an interview! Hadley is a successful wellness coach, a mother of three boys, an avid runner, and the author of The Dirty Truth on Social Drinking: “Everything in Moderation” and Other BS.

In her book, Hadley shares her journey as a high-achieving mom navigating a culture where drinking is normalized. This culture was quietly affecting her mental health and leaving her feeling out of alignment with her values as a parent and wellness professional. In 2021, Hadley made the conscious decision to stop drinking, not because she identified as an alcoholic, but because she wanted to model a different way of living for herself and her family.

Today, Hadley shares her story to inspire other parents and caregivers by showing that making intentional choices around alcohol can impact not only our own well-being but also the example we set for our children. Her message aligns perfectly with Raising the Bar: that the habits and choices parents model can shape a healthier, more mindful environment for the next generation. 

Q: You’ve written and spoken candidly about how alcohol culture is normalized in society, whether through “mommy wine culture” or the idea that drinking makes social situations more fun. Based on your experience, how do these cultural norms influence teenagers’ behaviors around substances?

A: I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this topic, and I think it’s one that we will have to work hard at as a society to turn around. Drinking is normalized in so many ways and deeply woven into the fabric of our culture. Books, movies, and television have been romanticizing and glamorizing alcohol for as long as they have been around. Now we’ve taken it a step further with social media, which connects us (especially teenagers) with more information than we’ve ever consumed or had access to before. We see drinking as the way to connect, have fun, fit in, celebrate, grieve, and manage stress. We see hangovers and dangerous binge drinking turned into punchlines for memes. We see jokes about addiction and Alcohol Use Disorder, and “educational” videos about how to fit alcohol into a healthy lifestyle. We see all the supposed benefits that drinking provides, but none of the real risks or dangers. Teenagers see and absorb it all. Even more importantly, they notice how these cultural norms play out in their own homes and communities.

As someone who was deeply embedded in the “mommy wine culture” nonsense for years, I can tell you that kids pay attention more than we realize. When they see parents drinking every night, sneaking cocktails into soccer games, and wearing t-shirts that say, “It’s Wine O’Clock,” they’re going to assume that drinking is a necessary part of the adult experience. And why wouldn’t they? 

It’s hard to have serious conversations with our teenagers about the risks of underage drinking when we’re coming from a “Do as I say, not as I do” angle. Why would they listen when I’m touting the dangers of alcohol while also downing wine each night and sharing memes about how many bottles I need to get through an upcoming snowstorm?

At the end of the day, it’s going to be hard for teenagers to appreciate the risk involved with something that is so completely normalized at home and in society.  

Q: Your own journey with social drinking began at 14 and carried into adulthood, long before you decided to stop. Is there anything you see that the adults around you could have done differently to reduce or delay your drinking??

A: I grew up in the “Just Say No” and “This is your brain on drugs” era. I knew that cocaine was bad and needles were scary. In High School, MADD parked a totaled car on our school lawn and talked about the dangers of drunk driving. That was the extent of the conversations about drugs and alcohol. It was a very different time in many ways. There was no Life 360 for my parents to monitor whether I was really at a friend’s house or if I was in a field drinking Boone’s Farm. We didn’t even have cell phones. As long as I was home by curfew, no questions were asked. I was sneaky, and as a result, it was never addressed.

This is in no way a criticism of my parents , because the independence I was granted during those years helped form me into the person I am now. However, there were plenty of signs I wish had been noticed, and I would have benefited greatly from some boundaries and guardrails. 

As a rule, I try not to harbor regrets, but I certainly wish that I hadn’t started so early. I wish I knew even a fraction of what I know now about alcohol and the impact it was having on my teenage brain. I wish I hadn’t put myself in so many scary and dangerous situations over the years. I wish I hadn’t hidden behind alcohol for so long, with a pattern that started at 14.

If my family had talked openly about drinking, their expectations and rules, and consequences for breaking them, it might have made a difference. If the educational programs in school had discussed drinking differently (or at all), I might have ignored it, but it might also have made an impact. 

Q: In your book, The Dirty Truth On Social Drinking: Everything in Moderation and Other BS, you talk about how kids notice much more than we realize. (Our Raising the Bar program is based on this same understanding.) From your perspective, what are the most crucial ways parents can model healthy behaviors that kids actually internalize and carry forward?

A: Here is the example I always fall back on. If, starting from a young age, your children hear you loudly proclaim, “UGHH, I NEED A DRINK,” each time you come home from a hard day of work, they notice. If they hear you say, “I need a drink for this,” before helping them with math homework, they notice. If they see you drinking at their volleyball tournaments to make it more tolerable, they see it. If they see you open the wine anytime you are stressed, sad, upset, or angry, they notice. Children watch everything we do, and they notice the jobs we’ve assigned to alcohol in our lives. 

I’m not suggesting that everyone has to quit drinking to be a good parent. That’s not the case at all. I am suggesting that we become more aware of the way we talk about and interact with alcohol. Noticing all of the subconscious ways that we treat alcohol like a valid self-care tool or “helper” can be very eye-opening. 

Once we’re more aware, we can look for more appropriate ways to model self-care, stress management, relaxation, etc. Treating a drink like just a drink, and not some kind of magical problem-solver, can go a long way. 

Personally, once I realized that my kids were paying close attention to the way I interacted with alcohol, it became more of an incentive for me to quit.

Q: You’ve seen firsthand how peer groups, social media, and cultural messages can normalize drinking. Do you think communities have the ability to change that narrative to substance-free being normalized?

A: Communities absolutely have the ability to change this narrative, but it won’t be a fast process. The first step, and probably the hardest, is educating people. It’s alarming how many people still believe that teenage drinking is a rite of passage, everyone does it, and that it’s no big deal. We need to change that kind of thinking in adults before we have any hope of changing it for kids. 

In my own little suburban bubble, there is a huge issue with parents allowing teens to drink at their houses. So many still subscribe to the notion that allowing kids to drink will teach them how to do so more safely, when the research very clearly shows that is BS.

To turn this massive ship, we need a “it takes a village” mentality where everyone understands and respects the risks of teenage drinking, recognizing our collective role is to delay, delay, delay.

Q: You’ve spoken about honesty and self-reflection in your own journey. How important is it for parents to bring that same openness into conversations about alcohol and drugs with their kids and how can they start those talks in ways that feel natural and non-judgmental?

A: I have learned through my own parenting journey that open and sometimes uncomfortably frank conversations with my children are the key to tackling all of the tricky topics. As a result, we talk openly about things that my parents NEVER would have discussed with me. 

My poor kids groan now when I bring up drinking, because it’s like beating a dead horse. Not only have we talked about it a lot, but they follow my Instagram, see and hear me talking about my book, listen to me on podcasts, and were a part of my journey to quit drinking from day 1. As a result, we might be an extreme example! However, it has been an incredibly positive and rewarding experience for us.

Through all of this, my message to them has never been that drinking is inherently evil and they must never, ever do it. That isn’t the point. In fact, my husband still drinks very moderately, and they see that perspective as well.

Instead, I talk about the science with them and explain the risks. We talk about the supposed benefits versus the negatives. We discuss societal pressures and how drinking is portrayed in the media and online. I share my experience and how I wish it had been different. I also set boundaries, rules, and expectations for them, because that’s part of being a parent. I don’t assume they will break those rules, because it simply isn’t true that all teenagers drink. If they do, we’ll deal with it just like we do the breaking of any rules.

They know that eventually they’ll be faced with a choice that is theirs to make, and I will never judge them if they choose to drink. I just want them to have all the facts so they’re better equipped than I was to make that choice. They know I’ll always be willing to pick them up or get them out of a situation they don’t want to be in. 

Q: Our Be The Influence program, BTI, is built around the idea of helping families to understand the importance of delaying first-time use. You’ve experienced how early exposure to alcohol can set patterns for years to come. What advice would you give parents who may feel uncertain about enforcing boundaries at home but want to help their kids delay substance use as long as possible?

A: Parents today have a more difficult job than ever. We have to deal with issues and complexities that simply didn’t exist 20 years ago. That being said, there seems to be an emphasis on being friends with our teenagers instead of being their parents, which will mean they sometimes don’t like us. All of the research shows that teenagers need boundaries, guidelines, and rules. Even though it sucks, we need to be willing to enforce those rules. Our job is to keep them safe and healthy, even if it means annoying them in the process.

The advice I would give is to start talking about these things early and often. Tell them openly that the goal is to delay substance use for as long as possible. Tell them why. Explain that even though Joe’s parents might let people drink in the basement, you’re not okay with that. Then stick to it. 

For a lot of GenX and Millennial parents, it might take some time to adjust to the idea that letting kids drink in a “safe environment” is NOT doing them a favor or reducing harm. We need parents to get on board with this and spread the word.

A year ago I did an Instagram post about this issue specifically, and it went viral in a disturbing way. I had thousands of comments from people telling me that I was crazy, that I was a horrible mother, that my kids were going to die of alcohol poisoning as soon as they got to college… all because I said I won’t encourage or allow underage drinking. The experience was bizarre, but it showed me how much work we have ahead of us!

Q: Your book shows the power of sharing personal stories to break through stigma. How do you see storytelling, whether from parents, teachers, or even peers, helping young people understand the real consequences of substance use in a way facts and statistics sometimes can’t?

A: I think this is HUGE, and I think it’s a way that social media can have a positive impact on this narrative. Personal stories make a big difference. Kids (and adults) are always more willing to listen to a story than they are to generic lectures and statistics. It makes it more real. It’s also a great tool for meaningful connection when parents are using their own stories.

There has long been a stigma surrounding alcohol abuse. For so long, we viewed it as black or white - either you’re “normal,” or you’re an alcoholic. Those were the only 2 categories. Now that we’ve dismantled that notion and the conversation has taken a meaningful turn, people are starting to understand that there are lots of different ways to struggle with alcohol, and many of them don’t look like the stereotypes.  

The fact that we now see these conversations reflected on social media to compete with the Mommy-Wine garbage is really important. 

Q: Our program Let’s Talk equips parents to have ongoing conversations with their kids at every stage. From your perspective, what makes a conversation about substance use impactful, instead of it coming across as preachy or fear-based? 

A: In my opinion, there are several ways to accomplish this. First, it’s important not to go into these conversations with the message that “drinking is bad”, “you should never do it”, “you’ll be in big trouble”, “I’ll be so mad”, etc. I always suggest that drinking leads to making bad choices and isn’t good for your teenage brain. I acknowledge that lots of people will choose to drink eventually, and I just want them to be armed with information so they can make the best decision for them. I talk about the health risks that we now know come with even drinking small amounts. But I try to balance the conversation with lots of questions about what they see, hear, and experience, and what their thoughts and opinions are.

I also once listened to a podcast with a scientist who studies risk-taking behavior in teens, and they spoke about the idea that teens seem to be especially turned off by the fact that these industries (big alcohol, big tobacco/vape, etc.) are specifically targeting them and trying to suck them in young with their cute containers and kid-friendly flavors. I’ve used that to my advantage in these conversations as well, prompting conversations about what the sneaky alcohol industry does to incentivize people to drink as early as possible. 

Q: You’ve shared how alcohol undermined the very self-care you valued. How do you think parents can strike that balance between setting firm boundaries around substance use and building the kind of trust that makes kids more likely to open up?

A: Again, I would suggest starting the conversations early and often. Not just about drinking, but about all the tough topics. Sex, drugs, bullying, alcohol, friend issues, internet and cell phone usage, and social media. There are so many things to worry about these days.

Opening the lines of communication proactively will make your kids more likely to open up. If you want until they’re 16 to broach difficult subjects for the first time, you will have missed a major opportunity!

Q: If you could offer one piece of advice, based on your personal and professional experience, to communities working to reduce underage substance use, what would it be?

A: My one piece of advice would be to get aggressive and creative about spreading the word and educating people.  Do what you all are doing in Marin to get the facts out and help people understand the truth about underage drinking. It’s alarming to me how many adults still believe that all teens drink, it isn’t a big deal, and that allowing it is a responsible form of harm reduction. We’ll never make a meaningful change until we get people on board with the facts and the research to understand that teen drinking shouldn’t just be brushed under the rug.